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September 21, 2012

Voice against dowry...!!!



Firstly we should know what is dowry?
Dowry is a kind of gifts in the form of cash, furniture, crockery and many household items given to the bridegroom's family along with bride.
We are all familiar with the story: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy and girl gets married. For the majority of the western world, this is our ideal of a great beginning to a perfect marriage. It is important to realize that while India is pretty modernized, in some aspects they still keep to the tradition of arranged marriages.
Dowry system- the name seems to be so old. But the policy is still in practice. No one can deny this. Some people will give dowry to show their status.
Is dowry a form of gift? Or is it a way of the girl’s parents to help the newly wedded couple? When and how are the demands for dowry made? This form of harassment has brought many women to despair leading them to suicide.
Since marriage is one of the most important decisions a person will ever make and because divorce is not accepted among most Indians, it is imperative that the marriage choice is carefully thought out and planned. How can a young person make such an important decision on his/her own? Instead, the family looks for certain traits in a marriage partner. Some desirable traits looked for in both male and female are: matching levels of education, matching cultures, close parental cities, matching religions, and status are just to name a few.
At some point of time in our history, wealthy families used to give these gifts to bridegroom's family to help the newly wedded couple in the settlement of their newly started marriage life. But with time, acceptance of dowry system was adopted as a cultural norm in d society and slowly it become compulsory for the bride's family to pay dowry to the bridegroom's family. Thus, marriages became a business in the Indian society where all the happiness, dreams and hopes of a girl were suppressed under the heavy burden of dowry.
Thought the government took various steps to reduce this crisis in the country, the dowry system still prevails in our society. Today we think that this problem is only in the conservative families but it is not true even in the highly educated families, this acceptance takes place.
Will we ever be able to eradicate this problem completely? I have a doubt..
The system of dowry is majorly associated with arranged marriages. Indian women depend on their husbands for their living. They do not have financial independence. Some husbands consider their wives a burden. This kind of thinking should be changed. Women should be given a place of honour. Today, the girls are well educated, and are capable of supporting themselves. Girls have their own dreams, which they sacrifice all their life. I ask why can’t a girl have her life the way she wants? It is a shame that Indian society still lives a hypocrite world, a life in which they pretend to be modern by norms but still kill the dreams of girls. 
Of course, there is always that dark side. While these situations are becoming rarer, they still occur often enough to warrant some discussion on them. There are those families who will use the bride's dowry as their own. There have been horrible, true stories of the groom's family agreeing to one dowry and after the bride is married demanding more from the bride's parents. Threats of divorce are often used to entice the bride's parents to give more dowry. In a country where shame is brought down on the divorcee, parents of the bride will do whatever they can to save their daughters this shame. Occasionally, the threat of physical violence is used. There really is no way these type situations can end happily.

Dowry harassment can come in various forms, for eg:
·         Verbal abuse
·         Physical torture
·         Hinting dowry
·         Insulting the bride’s family
·         Contact with the world prohibited
·         Not providing money or food
·         Divorce threats
·         Throwing out of the house after marriage
·         Not letting the girl live the way she wants, etc

Its high time we get out of this system, and stop ruining our own daughters lives. How can people expect their daughters to stay with people who don’t even care about her life? Who keep taunting her for things and cause her trouble? The big fat Indian weddings as it is termed, is nothing more than glam and status symbol for people. The truth lies behind the scene.

Today, every person in this society should take steps to eradicate this cause. It is important to support the girls today. The government and the laws today have created a lot of ways to help the women who have problems like these in their life. Though still these are not applied the way they should be. I ask, is it it not enough for a grooms family to have the girl with them? Why does our society not understand how much love the girl needs? She leaves her entire world and comes to a new place, a new life, and new relations? People need to know that the girl coming to their family is also somebody’s daughter, and needs to be treated like a daughter even in the marital house and not like a daughter in law n treat her with the stupid Indian norms. We live in a fake world, and somewhere even we all have started faking ourselves.
I would just ask the new generation to wake up and support the cause of anti-dowry.  Raise your voices and stand against it.
All I would say in the end is:
“BURN DOWRY, NOT WOMEN”


June 15, 2012

Is it just me or others too..!!



Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that's too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot! - Guy Finley

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

Never have expectations from people, because they do not always live up to it. Expectations might be from a friend or a family member, fiancée, or even something like a promotion, better job, salary hike, students expecting results etc.. And when you don't get what you have been dreaming of with your eyes open, it really hurts. All the dependent plans fail and an avalanche of shattered dreams is all that is left in the heart. Don't have expectations and if they do something for you, then that would be a wonderful surprise and if they don't then no problem. You did not expect them to!
One of the main reasons for people being unhappy, sad or dissatisfied is that they expected something very strongly and it doesn't happen. It is every one's experience. May be once, or twice, or scores of times.. But people don't change.. Do expectations really hurt??
I think yes.. but should we really not expect anything ever?? Is expecting things from our loved ones also wrong?? Can’t we even communicate our feelings to the other person and expect them to do something about it?? Once we expect something from someone we always think that he/or she will fulfil our desires. But once we find it is not done then as usual we feel hurt. It is like expectations connect us with a person and when we find it is not fulfilled then disconnection take place and disconnection of any kind is associated with pain. People always say, it is always better to not expect anything in relationships so that we stay away from disappointments. However, I believe a true relationship gives pleasure, because most of time things happen as expected.
Time and again I have cursed myself for expecting too much from people, those very people whom you thought were genuinely concerned about you. Alas! No one even comes anywhere near to being selfless in this materialistic world. May be the mantra of life is just to live it to yourself then, without caring much about others, because I don’t think there are many sane people who can give selflessly without expecting atleast a bit in return. But then as goes a popular saying- life is too short to live it just for you. In that case, can anyone help but expect? And when your expectations are crushed, you can’t help but spend the rest of the day sulking and wondering what to do next- if to throw a tantrum or let things just go, if even to continue living life the way you want, or simply turn your face selfishly from those who deserve every bit of your selfishness and arrogance.
I read somewhere and truly believe in: Never give yourself away in a relationship. By "give yourself away," I mean making sacrifices that conflict with what you need from the relationship. Never sacrifice your own personal integrity with regard to getting your needs met. The healthier image you have of yourself, the less likely this will occur. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay.
But somewhere deep in my heart, I do know that this is what they call life- every bit of which is a challenge. Also that it is these painful moments which have helped me grow mentally over the years. Also, which somewhere made me realise I could write and the feeling of solace I receive while the feelings and thoughts are poured out of my pen. And how I love the feeling as over the years this my diary or pen have never shown a streak of impatience as I tear n scribble my thoughts over it every now and then, but somehow been with me through the worst of my situations. As my pen itches to write down the words which keep my mouth empty, as i sit here quietly and my hand moves swiftly over my pad.
 I only wish I could do without expecting too much from people. And if I have to do so after all, I wouldn’t be so naïve as not to voice them out….because nothing hurts more than carrying a smile on your face when from within the pain is eating you up, like an insect eating up a fruit from within without messing with its lustrous skin. I wish I would not always make a fool of myself everytime in front of those who don’t even give a damn to me. I wish my tears could wash away with itself the pain from my heart and could give a feeling of content.

June 9, 2012

Small little things...!!!


Everyone wants to be happy, yet joy is elusive for most people. One reason is that people tend to expect their happiness to come from big things, like a promotion at work or a sizzling new romance. To have a truly happy, peaceful existence, however, it is necessary to find happiness in little things. Life is made up of little things, so enjoying them for all their worth is bound to make for a more pleasant life.
Everyone goes through several ups and downs in their life. I have, and I am sure even u have, and its definitely difficult to find the way out of the clouds, and be happy once again. There are many things we do and many things we realise that help us feel better. In my case, I realized how fortunate I was to have the love and support of my family and true friends, and that I could always turn to them for help and guidance. I've always tried to keep active when I'm feeling down so that my mind stays away from the things that depress me. It's really hard sometimes.
Being happy and content with the small pleasures in life requires us to slow down and take a little time enjoying them. Do you have a pet? Slow down enough to sit with your animal friend and show it a bit of affection. Play ball with your dog or wiggle a string in front of your cat. And don't forget to have fun with the kids, too. Playing a simple board game can make the house ring with laughter.
Another thing I've done is to try to express my feelings and work through them through articles or poetry. It helps to just get those feelings out and on paper. It helps me to realize what is really going on, so I can work through it better. Plus, the process itself just makes me feel happy. When a situation gets me down, I work hard to find the silver lining. Sometimes it's a very, very thin silver lining, but I’m convinced that when you look hard enough, it's there!
I feel happy even going to a ngo maybe, or some old age home or even an orphan age.. whats the harm in just giving some time of yours to those people who lack happiness. Look at them, and then think aren’t you happy with what you have?? Play with the kids, teach them, or just sit and speak to d old ones.. isn’t it a satisfying feeling?? i feel happy and content whenever I do that.. if not an old age home.. sit and just speak to the old generation of your family and see the glow and happiness on their face..

I try to find happiness in the small things in life.. A beautiful flower, a rainbow, a hug or kiss from my mom or my frenz.. It's these little things that get me through a rough a day, and remind me to be happy and thankful for what I have.
Not everyone believes themselves to be a strong person, which would make this one the hardest to find happiness in. No matter how weak you believe you are, you have an inner strength that has most likely brought you through several hard times in your life. Reflect on those times and see how far you've come by the power of your own will and determination. Never lose sight of that and take joy in both all you have done and what you are yet to do.

May 27, 2012

Special Someone...!!!


The sun, it did shine
the day you came into my life
and everything that was wrong
became all right.
Until I found you,
Dreams were just dreams
Days were just days
Wishes were things
That rarely came true
I knew that when I met you
I’d found a special soul
A lifetime of love
To have and to hold.
I know that I can always count on you
To be there when I need someone
To give their best advice.
And I smiled because finally
my heart had found its home
and I didn’t need anyone to tell me
that you are where I belong
I knew, I just knew
You’ve got a special way with me,
You make me believe,
In this love that we’ve found,
And I promise I’ll never let you down.
Sometimes, what we share,
seems like a perfect dream.
It seems as if heaven is smiling down on us,
and nothing could ever go wrong.
Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with love.
I just want to reach out
and pull you close to my heart.
Sometimes I wish there were a bigger way
of saying I love you.

Three little words aren’t enough.

May 26, 2012

Miracles do happen!!


The period of Courtship is one of the most beautiful times of a relationship. The moments spent together in this period are always among the most memorable ones. When a couple decides to spend their lives together and choose each other as life partners, the announcement of marriage is made. This announcement is followed by the approval of society in form of a ceremony, roka or maybe engagement in some cases.
It is so strange, that in such a short period of time, they have got so close. I think, such is the power of love, which is experienced in the courtship period by the couple tying the knot of arranged marriage. The intimacy developed at the courtship period, gives birth to the feeling of love, which the bride and groom cherishes all long in their married life.
Marriage! Your life is getting transformed into another world. The days prior to marriage are filled with anticipation, pleasurable excitement and many dreams. For those couples whose love is turning into a legal bond there will be a blissful feeling. However for the prospective couple in arranged marriages the premarital days will be filled with many doubts. Here comes the major need for courtship.
There's nothing quite as exhilarating as the early stages of a romantic relationship. Just the thought of having found your one-and-only is so thrilling. But, the early stages of falling in love can be as frustrating as they are wonderful. Your new love life may consume your energy, focus, and time to the point where everything else going on in your life may feel like a rude intrusion. You can't stop thinking about your lover. You get up and go to sleep obsessing about the relationship and what your future will look like together.
Why can love's early stages make you feel personally endangered as well? First, the euphoria that you feel can disorganize you. You are adding a dating relationship to your normal, busy routine. Your normal responsibilities at work and home may fall to the wayside, as you put more energy into solidifying your love relationship. This can make you more anxious than normal. Also, loving asks you to lower your defences and loosen up your personal boundaries so that you can merge your needs and desires with those of your lover. This process can be threatening and make you feel unsafe. Nonetheless, this is the making of a strong, healthy relationship attachment. It takes time to trust each other and to know that this attachment will not hurt you. No wonder we can feel anxious and unsafe when we first fall in love. There's much to gain and to lose, in the process. The fear you feel is palpable. Many of you may unconsciously create emotional issues and dramas to give voice, and make tangible, the endangerment that you feel.
But..well I guess this is life, and this is how things change. I’m glad to being engaged to a wonderful person who understands, supports, accepts me the way I am. He makes me feel like I can do anything. He makes me feel so special and confident in myself and I'm terminally love sick every time I don't see him. I can laugh with him like no other and when he stops and throws me a special "personal" smile I just collapse inside of myself.
I wanna say a million thanx to him for the tear’s he dries, the hugs we’ve shared, the times he listens and for the so many he cares.